I was three months pregnant and without a husband. The child's father was a 40 year old man, my boyfriend at that time. His wife had passed away. And we were in some kind of undefined relationship. It was my first job. I was 23. He was my boss. When I told him I was expecting his baby, the first thing he told me was to abort it. Somehow I just couldn't come to doing it. When I refused, the next thing was a forceful resignation. And I was left jobless. My parents too were advocating for an abortion. It came to the point of me leaving home.
No job. No family. There was no point living further I thought.
I tried calling my 'boyfriend' one last time. He cut the call. That was it.
I bought the pills I was to overdose on. I checked into a cheap lodge. And was just browsing through my phone. Some old photos on facebook needed to be cherished one last time. Incidentally my timeline showed some number saying: 'need someone to talk to?'. I've never called any so-called counseling service before. But yeah, I needed someone to talk to, someone to have a last conversation with, someone who didn't know me. My mind was made-up anyways. It was to die. Nobody could change that.
So just for fun I called the number. A lady picked up. I started telling her my story. She listened patiently.
The few words she spoke surprisingly did not let me react the way I wanted to. In some time without realizing, my mind was slowly changing. At her request I threw the pills in the closet and flushed them down. I continued staying at the lodge and continued speaking to her. And eventually met her too.
My money was running out. I finally moved cities and took up a call centre job.
It's been 20 years since. My beautiful daughter was born a few months later. I met a smart man who became my husband. And we have a beautiful family with 2 more children.
I'm not justifying my foolish actions. And I deeply regret a lot of things. But I just want other girls like me to know that through the mistakes, there is hope. And importantly, don't try to solve everything by yourself. If I had continued trying to do that, I wouldn't be here telling you my story. Share your burdens. They become lighter that way. I'm a living example.