Both start with the letter "H" & both make a sound. While you all know if given a choice no one wants to listen to a horn in place of a harp. That is exactly how a relationship works. Fine tuning our speech, our actions, emotions to be soothing rather than unwanted and irritating. It is a fact that a relationship blooms in an environment of love, care, respect and value for one another. Value for the person who they are. When u say you love someone it calls for a commitment that goes beyond words. It is easy to earn a day's meal for someone than to keep up to what it means to just say "I Love you". Here are 2 Simple things that will help you to be a harp rather than a horn in your family and the people around.
1) Response VS Reaction
It will be a good practice to start right at the onset. If we can get into the habit of developing our conversations with the note of responding rather than reacting to things than half of the way is already paved for us. This will create the right kind of zone for you to think clearly and communicate effectively. For instance while walking on the road a motorbike touches the edge of your bag sideways and makes your bag go swinging in the air and right back to you on your face.
Would you react or respond ? What would you do? Would you spew out a few ugly ##*** words , run behind the fellow and try and hit him with the same bag ? or would you just simply take a pause , get your stuff right , look around hold your calm and start walking again. I would suggest you do the latter. Choosing the second option will avoid you getting angry , stressed out and will not influence the remaining course of the day. This comes with regular training of your own emotions and feelings. The more you train the better you will be able to handle a similar or a much complex situation. It is known that Pilots are trained through the worst of the unexpected things to handle so that they become mature enough to respond and not react and follow their instructions as supposed to without getting baffled. There are times when you would need to react and show urgency. It is important to assess the situation and then choose your tool. The more you train yourself the easier you will find to respond and not react. Apply this first in your relationships at home and then practice around. What a great home it would be to be in where you don't see your folks hurling things at one another during a fight but choose to set things in order calmly.
2) Appreciation Vs Criticism
Appreciation builds while the latter hinders unless one draws a line to understand how to view criticism to build and break. We don't need an experiment to know how we feel when we are appreciated instead of being criticized. Research has demonstrated that when you are appreciated, your heart beats in harmony and order and this brings your heart and brain in one coherent state. Each of us has unique talents. If we start taking note of some of things our wife/ husband / parents / friends can do we would be amazed to know how they can do some things way better than us. Let us work towards building one another and then see how beauty, grace and honour adds feathers to our relationships.
Let us remind ourselves that humans are not made to live in isolation but in stronger, bonding and budding relationships. John Joseph Powell said "
It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being."
How true it is! Broken relationships have caused more damage to humans than wars and weapons. Many problems will be solved if we base our convictions and opinions on the right value system. Do we support a value system that only looks for personal gratification and fulfilment? Do we hold the flag of the saying "My way or the highway". If in a relationship both the individuals stick to this same value system there is no way things will move or get sorted out. This results in break ups, fights, abuse and ultimately the death of a relationship. Hence it is important to know what drives our thoughts, values and actions based on which we slowly begin to choose to transform our actions/reactions to responses and seek to see harmony in all our encounters with one another. This conscious decision to do things with the right intentions will allow freedom and love to grow in relationships.