Count to 20; Slowly: This may seem to be overrated, but it really works! Two things happen here. One is that as you slowly count to 10, you lose focus on the very thing that you were angry about; since you are concentrating on your numbers, you anger takes a back seat. Second, in the time you take to count to 10, your anger subsides. You are more reasonable in your talk.
Breathe Slowly: Okay, this is literally a life hack. When you feel yourself getting angry, take a step back, and just start breathing. Taking in deep breaths helps relax your mind and releases the tension in your tight muscles.
Distract yourself: The minute you begin to feel anger seeping into you start walking around and distract yourself. Do something other than what you were doing before you started getting angry. Listen to some music, switch your tv on, surf the net, read a magazine. Just anything that will remove your mind from the anger that it is feeding on.
Search for the humour: The minute you begin to get angry, try to look at the humor part of the entire situation. If want to be sarcastic, then make sure that your sarcasm has a funny ring to it. By the end of it, you'll be laughing at yourself. It works. Tried and tested!
Walk away:. This can be done in most domestic situations. If you have had a spat with your parents or siblings, instead of retorting and shouting back, breathe slowly, get up and walk out silently. Once your mind is calm, you can come back and make your point in a precise but polite manner.
Let it go: One practical but fun way of making your anger go away, is to write down your angry thoughts. Scribble it all down. Then pick up that piece of paper, crumple it, take out your anger on the piece of paper, and then just throw it away. Out the window, out of your house, out of your life. Just let it go. I have done it. With letting go, comes freedom like never before.
Wash it out: Now THIS is my favourite. Every time I am dangerously near to losing my head, go douse my face in water. I keep splashing cold water onto my face, till I am calm. The cool of the water, jars through the heat and mayhem in your mind. It pierces through, and immediately you are calmer.
"The MRP on the packet says Rs. 20. But why are you charging me Rs. 22 for this?"
"Why are you making me run from pillar to post for my certificates? And why should I pay a 'service fee"?
"Why can't I drive on good roads and walk on clean footpaths and breathe some pure air? I pay taxes. Am I not entitled to all these things?"
These are just some of the questions that are asked on a daily basis in our shops, schools, and streets.
The answers are bound to make us angry, if not furious. Social injustice strikes us everyday, everywhere. And in such circumstances, anger is good, in fact, it's very good. If every customer insisted on a bill and persisted till he got it, our businesses would be more ethical. If every official in every institution was denied a bribe and forced to work faithfully, then our bureaucracy could be respected. If people reacted to the dangers in our cities, the dilapidation of our towns and the deprivation in our villages, then political representatives would be forced to be accountable to the citizens and work for the betterment of the people.
A healthy dose of anger is essential to usher in any kind of social change. Somebody had to be angry with the idea of colonization in order to fight for freedom to be a sovereign republic. Somebody had to be angry with the practice of sati in order for it to be abolished. The same goes for slavery, and illiteracy, and discrimination.
Society needs angry people. Not an angry mob with destructive intentions, but individuals who are angry with the exploitation, corruption, and indifference. Men and women with a mandate to right the wrongs in their immediate surroundings. People with righteous anger who are willing to make a difference.
Never be afraid to flaunt your righteous anger. People with such anger issues are those who really care. These are people who have a deep sense of justice and can see through the smoke screens and discern between good and evil. These are the ones who uphold the truth and are concerned about the ultimate good of society.
However, a word of caution has to be sounded. The line between constructive righteous anger and destructive revengeful anger is a very thin one and has to be toed with trepidation. Another danger is that, those who express righteous anger at society sometimes fail to apply the same yardstick personally. Therefore, there is a grave danger of gross hypocrisy.
Social ills could be remedied with the collective efforts of revolutionaries. But the individual has to take responsibility for the corruption, cruelty, or confusion that seeps into the human heart. These too have to be dealt with the same righteous anger. If you detect righteous anger within yourself, against yourself, we'd like to help you deal with it. Call us on -----------
Anger Management is the latest Corporate rage. They now rave and rant about the fact that if the feeling of anger spirals out of control, it can damage people physically, and emotionally.
Relationships can break down and before you know it, your career will be ruined. So in case you find yourself yelling at someone, or clenching your fists, or grinding your teeth, or throwing things around, or cursing, or banging either things or your head on the wall, or creating a bow and arrow with office stationary, or applying for a gun licence, you know there is trouble brewing within your cubicle.
You are angry and its time to address it before the HR takes notice of it and refers you to the office shrink.
Meet the problem:
First, meet the problem. Arrange for a formal introduction. Tell yourself audibly that 'I have an anger problem and I have to deal with it'. And do it convincingly. By accepting the problem you're halfway near the finishing mark.
Figure out the 'what' Most people are not aware of what triggers their anger. If you are one of them, it helps to make a written note of the circumstances or people that actually trigger this emotion. So, the next time you lose your head over something, try and make a note. When you're calm, go through the logs that you have made. This helps in understanding what circumstances to avoid, whom to keep away from etc.
Sketch a 'difficult' conversation: If you are entering into a conversation that can turn ugly, it is always better to go prepared. Sketch out the conversation in such a way that you are calm and polite yet assertive throughout. You have less chances of getting angry, if you have a structured conversation in your mind.
Sleep! Sleep! Sleep! Nothing, and I mean nothing, can calm down your frayed nerves like a good sleep! Nothing can calm down your angered mind like a good snooze! Even power naps can do the trick. Finally! A legitimate reason to sleep for a few minutes during the day! Make use of it!
Talk it out: Talking out your feelings of anger to someone you trust is one of the best ways to deal with it. Sometimes, all you might need is some good old rant. If you're frustrated and you feel like you are going to lose it, call your best friend, and rant it out. Spill it out to someone that you know is a good listener. Once you have ranted, and deep breaths are taken, your mind is clearer and you are calm. Just a few simple tips, but they go a long way!
I beat my wife till she was nearly dead: Confessions of a man broken by anger and remorse
I beat my wife till she was nearly dead: Confessions of a man broken by anger and remorse
As I sit there beside her bed, I look around and notice that everything is blue. The curtains, the bed sheets, even the bare minimum furniture. Blue. Hospitals are so depressing. At least that's what I think. My wife might feel differently. As I look down at her battered and bruised face, the scar over her now fat lip, I feel ripples of guilt wash over me. And there's something else too. Anger. As the previous night flashes into my mind, I have to leave. Sitting in that room with her is killing me.
None of this had mattered to me when I had fallen in love with her. We had had a whirlwind of a romance, and decided to marry as soon as possible. But then before I knew it, things had turned ugly. Everything about her began to annoy me.
My wife worked at a better place than I did, earned much more than I did, had classier friends than I did. She was a manager at her job, I was just staff. While her salary went into 5 figures, mine barely helped me make ends meet. She had a master's degree and I had barely passed college. All these things would stare at me darkly, right from the time I woke up. We began arguing.
My friends were making work hell for me. Every single time, every single lunch, every single trip, they would taunt me saying, "you wife earns more than you, you're a hen pecked husband" etc etc. Slowly it had begun to grow in my mind till I began to lash out to her. To prove to her who really wore the pants in the house.
I was boss! I was the man! I WOULD control my woman. Anger always lurked at the surface of my mind. My palms became my defence. She earned more money than me? Well, my fist would set her straight. In my fits of anger towards her I would become violent. Throwing things, destroying whatever was in my way.
But last night, I had crossed a line. I had come home drunk. And angry. I raised my fist and this time it connected with my wife's face. I had crossed over the threshold of anger and had reached the side of red. All I saw was red.
I did this. That beautiful woman lying in there, now broken and shattered, is because of me. My anger. My rage. My jealousy. I did this to her. I killed her spirit. I broke her. As I look down at her face, I trace my fingers across the deep cut on her face and I break.
I had killed this relationship. My rage got the better of me and I had destroyed what I had once loved and cherished. My marriage. I beat my wife till she was nearly dead. It took my wife's distorted face to realize I needed help. I was a slave to anger. I needed to run from it. I needed to break free.